[OFF]

Quanto mais eu conheço as pessoas, mas preciosas as sinto.

O corpo fica dormente, olho pro ceu e O encontro.

mas nada lhe peço dessa vez. Só agradeço e agradeço.

Áh, ainda bem !

Spring

Feeling each day opening itself. Learning to love, to accept, to allow.
Flowering...
finding new blossoms inside a new love and also inside myself.


in the finale, everything is love.
just it.

[OFF]

Se serve de resposta, eu digo que me torturo assim obsessivamente,
porque eu encontro, de fato, uma inspiração no íntimo da dita merda.

Late Morning

I've learned about the communion between my mess and my blessings.

Se minhas mãos pudessem desfolhear

Eu pronuncio teu nome
nas noites escuras,
quando vêm os astros
beber na lua
e dormem nas ramagens
das frondes ocultas.
E eu me sinto oco
de paixão e de música.
Louco relógio que canta
mortas horas antigas.

Garcia Lorca.

If there is any angel...

I feel very sad every-time when I see you.

Before, I was angry. Later, I was disappointed, but now I am just sad.

I understand that you are mad and I respect it.

But I can't understand the order of your priorities. How could you decide that what happened that day is more important than all the good moments we had, and the good moments that we could be having together in this last two months ?

I feel sad, because I see you making yourself more and more alone.

[OFF]

minha topazio voltou !

Prediletas

Recital de Despedida
(resultados de 10 meses em piano auto didata)
Odeon-Ernesto Narareth
Down-Pride and Prejudice
Duas Invencões duas vozes- Bach
Don know why-Norah Jones
Dindi-Antonio Carlos Jobim

Vou Vivendo-Pixinguiha

October 31-Hermeto Pascoal

Gélido Silencio- Ian Guest

Asa Branca-Luiz Gonzaga

Madalena-Ivan Lins
Baby- Caetano Veloso
Vocalise-Piano and Violin
*Beatles song with the children
*composition with lyrics
*composicao com letra

The Flying Shell

Little by little the shell is getting opened.

It forgot the fear, somewhere in the daily rush...

The little shell which never had swum, but floated through the water, is now flying in a new ocean.

Because marine water can be sometimes sweet.

Penso porque a gente...

Penso porque a gente vai se apegando. A gente se apega muito às coisas. E o tempo é uma aula de desapego constante. A gente sofre com os amigos que vai perdendo. Ao mesmo tempo, isso é uma das coisas boas que a proximidade com a poesia e a música me deram, essa consciência que as coisas vão ficando melhores, que a gente tem uma outra possibilidade de relação com o mundo. Embora nascido na cultura ocidental, da crepitude, que enxerga a velhice como deterioração, a poesia e a música me deram esse ensinamento que é de um outro lugar; dizem que é oriental. Tem uma cantoria que Jó Patriota fez de improviso e que diz: “Hoje eu não presto mais”. Aí, Manoel Xudu segue: “Todo poeta é capaz / É árvore que imuchesse / Caem as folhas / Fica o tronco / Por fora a casca apodrece / Mas quanto mais passa o tempo / Mais o miolo endurece”. E eu acredito nisso. Tanto que digo, “A bênção, Mestre Xudu!”.

Lirinha

e eu achei lindo !

Gestations II

My mother said to me that before my birth she had already visualized my face. Although it is a strange fact, it is the truest observation for me. I strongly believe that we can't give birth without the knowledge of the children's face. Even if not in details, all mothers have this previous wisdom in certain way. But I am not talking about children, I am talking about dreams. A dream is the seed of something, and as all the things, it is born in some hour. So, how can we bring a dream to the real life without knowing its face? Without knowing the branch of possibilities that it may bring? I am dreaming my dreams, I am doing this as the single mother who is wondering about the nine months gestation, not worrying about the smile of the baby.

Vens Quieta !

Ôh Felicidade ! Bicho sorrateiro !

você chega calada, silênciosa e me pega de surpresa.

Tu vens pela música, pela arte, e principalmente pelas cartas.

Justamente, quando eu estou pra concluir que não levo jeito pra auto-confiança...Bum ! Você chega, me diz as resposta intrínseca das coisas, me leva para meu centro.

Todos os caminhos são um só, e mesmo que eu não saiba como, tenho certeza que cedo ou tarde, vou encontrar minhas chaves. E o meu tesouro vai enfim resplandecer, compartilhado e infito.

OBRIGADO VIDA !

Those Days

I am so glad to have you here.

I thank life for our meeting, otherwise I wold have to go to the end of the world to discover the amazing person that you are.

We are here, supporting each other, trying to hold the time in our hands.

Lets do not think about the time to leave.

Because all we have is already worthy.

The Mountain.

She draws the purple mountain.-This mountain is hiding the ocean. Can you pass me the erase ?- No, wait ! If you show the ocean behind, you will show how steady your waters are. - Well, that is true. Is better to hide the blue than the movement. You are right. So... why I started to draw it ? I will never be able to express all my anxiety using colours anyway. - I don't have to explain this for you. The reason for this is the same reason behind your smile. You want to cover your fragility.- I don't do it.- Yes, you do. And also you smile on somebody fragility.-Ok, about that you aren't lying. Don't you think that nothing is prettier than the moment when somebody frees a secret without realizes it? -I have no opinion about it. But I realize now that you like secrets...-Of course I do! Secrets are infinite, unlike the things that I know, which are not very much.- So, if you think like this, you should leave the mountains in the paper. Not because your water are to much quiet, but because your ocean is you secret.-Liar.

[OFF]

Isn't a big coincidence ?

How the wrong bus that I had taken resulted in a good and unexpected meeting ?

Ah ! I just love everything that is unplanned. Walk without destiny is the best thing ever and... I don't know why, but the same time as I fear my tendency of change plans, I like it too.

And so much !

[OFF]

Is being hard to walk with a head in the moon.

These are a few of my favorite things

Sunny day with rain. Goodnight hug. The touch of the feet in the grass. Letters. Red shoes. Kiwi with sugar. Smell of ocean. Big pillow. Saturdays. Onions. Old clocks. Ride bike with open arms. Loud laughter. Journals. Parents care. People who drive rapidly. Swim in the ocean. Eat tomatoes as apples. Dreads. Find beautiful mushrooms. Talk with strangers. Stare little children. Big dogs. Black and white photo. Run in the rain. Hot chocolate. Dirty soccer game. Garcia Lorca. Cotton pajamas. Old people with good stories. Musicals. Look the road in long travelings. Warm Hands. Watch the ocean. Sea food. Unexpected kisses. Umbrellas. Fat cats. Bitter chocolat. Night Lights. Socks on Christmas. Dream with water. Fall season. Fondue. Sleep by the ocean. Wood jewelery. Colorful pencil. Jump waves. Close my eyes in the sun. Snow. Music sheet. Smell of oil. Wind against my face. Sunrise more than sunset. White roses.
These are a few of my favorite things.

[OFF]

Que fossem os bracos de qualquer um, diferenca nenhuma faria. Mas de fato, os que estavam la eram os seus. Isso era tudo o que eu tinha e tudo o que nos tinhamos. Cabeca levantada e olhos certos. Aceite o passado e nunca mais questione o que ja e completo.

To Reborn

He is a passenger. An eternal passenger emerged in landscapes.The train is his home and the window is his eyes. Being invisible, he is able to see everything.

He has one of those empty eyes that magnetize all the girls, even though, he walks by himself. His steps are so irregular that even that road wants to turn itself in order to fix him. But it is impossible, because in the end of the way, he always rediscovers himself again and again. He is a cocoon that instead frees a butterfly, frees a new station.

Morgaine's dreams

I can't believe that I am reading " The mists of Avalon" again.
Actually, it was quite predictable. Because I am reading this book every year since 3 years ago. I don't know how, but it became my own tradition.
Probably because Marion Bradley is a fatalistic writer. Yes, she blames the destiny for everything. But unlike the typical idea of destiny (strong force that directs the course of the events), the idea of destiny presented in "The mists of Avalon" is realistic. She talks about destiny as an impulse inside you, that guide you to the most sincerely wishes. When I say wishes, I am not only talking about romantic dreams but also bad true things.
Well, I think that writing here, I finally found the reason I love the fairy Morgaine so much. In her story, I see the perfect justification for my own mistakes.

Waiting.

I am not asking too much.

I just need you saying to me what you have to say.

Set me free.

Don't leave the silence do it instead you.

Amiga.

I wish I could be with you every moment, good moments and bad moments.
To laugh with you in drunk nights and sunny days, to try to understand your complicated life and to console you when life goes down. If I could, I would take all airplanes to be with you right now.
I wish I could be your guard angel.
Although every night I pray for Gods and fairies to watch you while it isn't possible to me, I wish I could do it by myself.
Please, take care.
That is what I would say if you ask me.
Ignore the missed letters and the distance. We'll find ways.
And I will be here for you.
Don't forget.

ha !

I can't believe that were discussing about the Miss Universe 2007 !

Yes Su !

Listing !

I can't help myself. It is an extremely happiness and an endlessly peace.
That is the feeling that everyday things are being better.
The weirdness still here, and it is a fact.
But, believe or not, things are getting incredible good.
I am not dreaming, therefore in fact I have reasons.

• A new semester is coming. New routine, new worries and new projects. And other words: sweet new air.
• My book collection is complete, and my heart will never be hungry again.
• The days are getting brighter and the sunlight is being consta

Oh ! Lists ! You help me so much. Otherwise, I would never be able to fold my dreams in a brain format.

Desculpe, eu não pude ficar.

Você lembra que nós fizemos jardim, pré 1, pré 2 e primeira série juntas ?

Que nós duas eramos as unicas mesticinhas da classe? E que as professoras faziam origami no fim da tarde ? Áh ! você era mais alta e mais independente do que eu, disso eu me lembro. Mas lembro pouco, porque, como você se lembra, eu vivia sempre no mundo da lua.

Aquela sua festa de sete anos ( sete anos ? ou foi nove ? ) foi um dos dias mais felizes da minha infancia. Os espelhos da sua sala de estar pareciam um mundo mágico, e o seu quarto pequenino e encarpetado foi um dos segredos mais doces que alguém já me contou sem palavras.

Se eu não tivesse ido para o Arqui, eu teria ido pra sua lista de melhores amigas. Porque afinal, já estavamos compartilhando festas, reunindo mães e trocando desenhos.

Olha que engraçado, você vivendo a sua vida no seu mundo que eu não conheço e eu no Canada, sentindo gosto de infância. Quase irônico.

Mas sabe ? Não relembro com arrependimento, mas sim com a curiosidade que sempre me atrai para aquilo que não tenho. E no caso dos nossos anos juntas, eu digo aquilo que nunca vou ter.

Desculpe por mudar de colégio do nada. Não foi por desconsideração a nossa vida futura. Não foi por não amar os dias ensolarados no parquinho ou o muro colorido no caminho pra aula.

Também não digo que eu sei o que foi.

Mas sabe o que é...eu preciso estar sempre mudando. Eu preciso ir pra outro lugar, sempre nunca podendo ficar.

One

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...

My Keys

I had insights. Memories came to me, and words appear as ghosts. Everything without any reasons. Especially, a quote that my brain can't stop to scream.

"Accept the pain, so that you will have to accept the happiness".

In other words, it says that I should enjoy the sweet and the bitter with the same strength.

Hard work, in my opinion.

Instead of don't accept the bitter, my problem is don't accept the sweet. Although I know that the true happiness lacks of explanations, for me is difficult to feel the joy without suspect of its.

I don't know, but that is how I work.

But anyway, I am trying to change myself everyday. Therefore, it is a matter of time till I open the doors to the light, and then... a feeling of warm heart.

Haha, it reminds me the Bells Center presentation. Especially, that part of the song which says Let It Shine !

Minha rosa Topázio

Antes dormir, segurei minha pedra topázio. Entre os meus dedos o azul, a pedra e o silencio. O topázio significa sensatez, é pedra que vem da fundo da Mãe terra e é aquela que traz chão aos aluados.
Lúcida dormi, pra depois acordar desmemoriada.
Como que de contraste, fui parar numa manhã sem chão. No meu despertar, só haviam metas e objetivos a serem cumpridos. Caída no espaço vago, me levantei, e o até o próprio espaço se fez inconciente de si, envolvendo me na embriaguez matinal onde tudo se fez irreal.
Arrumei a cama, lavei o rosto com agua morna, escolhi um vestido azul pra ficar confortável e doce, me espetei com o brinco de pérola, escovei o cabelo, esquentei leite e pus waffles pra torrar, tomei café da manhã deixei a casa. Mais um dia.
E como todos os dias de uma história pressentida, nada aconteceu sem a condolência final da noite. E certeira ela chega. Sempre chega, una e azul, como meu topazio.
Antes de dormir, a prece. Mas antes da prece, a falta.
Mas cadê o topazio ?


Corroi me as entranhas o fato de que na tentiva de ordem acabei por perder minha pedra raiz.
Sem consolo, não me conformo.
Só me vem revolta para com minha ansia.
Vento tornado que nunca para e tudo revira, que você abra os oceanos, mas não cave uma sepultura marinha.

Before Sunrise

Before sunrise, I will meet you again.

You known that it is inevitable.

I can't tell you, I won't tell you.

But I will wait for you.

In my way, you know.

antiestablishmentarianism !

antiestablishmentarianism !

Uau, I loved !

Untuned

It is an attempt of translating my feelings in their roots. Before it rises in words, my thoughts already will be in the right way.

I am trying to make changes, because I am tired of myself. Tired about the limits that I impose to myself. If I could change something magically, I would transform myself in a crystal ball. So that, I would be clearly. Unlike the secret box that I am now.

That is my prayer, for more true and less shadows.

Sincerely, things couldn't be different. All challenge and all sweetness are all I need. Things are how they are and I accept this.

But sometimes, my heart beats so rapidly so that I lose the floor. When it happens, the matter of what make sense disappear. I don't know.

Perhaps, it is consequence of the contrast between the absence and the excess of possibilities that I have. Perhaps, this is only my heart out of tune, as it always had been.

Como um cristal.

Eu ouvi a versão de "Nuvem Passageira" na voz do Humberto Gessinger, aquela voz que me fala a alma. Na hora, me veio uma energia tão arrebatadora... Ai, esse foi um sentimento de certeza. Certeza de como, quando, onde e principalmente porquê. Ignorando a saudade que amasso no peito, eu vou caminhando. Sabe, de vezes, aqui, me descubro mais nobre do que jamais me julguei ser. É que ao relembrar momentos tantos, só me vem amor. Amor, amor, amor puro. As pessoas que tenho em memória vem comigo no coração sem rancor, julgamentos ou faltas. Mas desnudas, em um sentimento tão grande que só não é poderoso o bastante para fazer teletransporte.

Céus, dai me força ! Eu tenho tanto a fazer... uma melodia para compor, um identidade pra criar, uma rotina para equilibrar, uma leveza pra alcançar, um norte pra caminhar.

Cada dia é uma dádiva.

E estou exatamente onde queria estar.

Nas palavras de Clarice: " Eu consisto, eu consisto, Amém,"

Soul Sisters

When I saw our picture my heart explode in one thousand memories. That day was such special day, was the birth of a family. Our family, made by years of comprehension and complicity since childhood. I don't care about the distance, about how far from each other our destinies would be or the time effect that always changes us completely. You girls were, are and will be my soul sisters, forever and ever.

Cortinas vermelhas.

Pois agora eu preciso de novas cores, de cortinas vermelhas e de mais purpura.